as of recent days, iknow how it is. you just have to open up your heart to let people care.



fuck, life is amazing sometimes!
i love you, chico.

"we're like two peas in different pods. we're both peas, that's what counts."

"that's a ladybug and there's another ladybug and they have fun things in their christmas stockings"

"i feel like i'm going to throw up but i'm not going to because i have balls. balls of steel."

"i feel sexier than ever, i'm gonna go rub my back on the carpet NO NOT THAT CARPET YOU'RE SICK"

edits to follow

"i've always felt that way about blues. when i didn't know nothin' about it, i always felt there was somethin', an honesty there that like, peggy lee was lacking, you know? and that was all the kind of music that i had an affection for. and now the kids are open enough to be able to say 'now wait a minute with lawrence welk, let me listen for myself.' i thought it was really happenin', man. and those kids were listenin', and so they're givin' themselves a chance, they're gettin' into indian music, they're gettin' into black music, they're gettin' into any kind of music that they feel is telling the truth to them. billie holiday, aretha franklin; now they are so subtle, they can milk you with two notes. they can go no farther from an a to a b, and they can make you feel like they told you the whole universe, you know?"

the new spanish song is bumpin'.

i am actually stretching out my shoes right now. there is a wooden round piece of wood in my shoe made for stretching leather shoes. it is levered out about as wide as it will go before the straps in my shoes snap. i tried them on earlier after it had been like that for an hour and it's actually doing the trick so i'm stoked.


i have to pick up my dress on thursday. i have jewelry. i'm burning CD's for my car and for anthony, and tomorrow i need to go buy make up. i didn't realize how out of make up i was. i also need to deliver paper to ms humes and put air in my tire if it's not too trafficky. i tested air pressure and it was at 20 yesterday, and it's supposed to be at 45.

i don't think i took zyrtec last night. i remember taking it but i'm sick as a dog right now.


SAT class was actually a lot of fun tonight.


annette: "OH SWEET! the person who parked in front of me left! i was worried that i was going to hit someone. it was worse because you parked right behind me and i was like AW CRAP."
shavon: "annette, i got you. look at how much space i left you!"

i'm so fucking tired of this bullshit, lauren. i'm not "on stand-by". you either make time for A FRIEND or you dont. pick one. dont just ask me to hang out on the day your boyfriend isnt there and proceed to get mad and make ME feel like a bitch. i cant balance your crap drama with my school work and my personal life. so either GROW UP or just separate from me, ok?


the only reason i'm doingit this way, on livejournal, is because you wont fucking listen any other way.

correction on my last entry:


it was directed towards my mom and someone else
the only part not directed to my mom was the part about being alone and wanting me.
the someone else i referred to most likely won't even read it


just letting you know.

i wish certain people would realize that i'm trying my best to make everything balance and to do well in all areas of my life, to keep my friendships alive as well as maintain satisfactory grades.

you only want me when you're alone. i don't know how i feel about that anymore.

this is directed at more than one person and if you're reading and worrying that it's about you, it is.

i like to look back at livejournal entries and remember stuff, so a little mini update.


-uncle robert is sick. we don't know how sick yet. he's moving back to oregon until we can figure out how sick he is.

-i have my license. i drive everywhere i ever wanted go. i used up a little more than a quarter tank of gas since wednesday.

-saw joliene at edwards. said hello. she sent me a message that said the other guy working there was her cousin danny, who i also remember from san mateo babysitting. she told me she saw kelsey and how she wouldn't have recognized her if hermom hadn't been there and she told me i look the same. hahaha i might post a picture of me from back in the day if i can find one.

-i'm watching house dvds and i've been painting even though i definitely should be doing homework. i've been slacking a lot.
- 10.5
- dialectical journals for the whole novel.
- keep up with notes
- family tree
- greek vase
- flow charting
- packet

-not to mention that i have a disaster room that is disgusting.

i want to do homework and eat edamame all day long and then go buy frozen fruit so i can make smoothies. word.

i'm at my house listening to the flaming lips and looking at cheap clothes and painting and i don't know if it's been any better.

i was four years old they tried to test my I.Q., they showed me a picture of 3 oranges and a pear. they asked me, "which one is different? it does not belong," they taught me different is wrong but when i was 13 years old i woke up one morning thighs covered in blood, like a war, like a warning that i live in a breakable takeable body, an ever-increasingly valuable body that a woman had come in the night to replace me, deface me. see, my body is borrowed. yeah, i got it on loan for the time in between my mom and some maggots. i don't need anyone to hold me, i can hold my own. i got highways for stretch marks, see where i've grown. i sing sometimes like my life is at stake 'cause you're only as loud as the noises you make. i'm learning to laugh as hard as i can listen 'cause silence is violence in women and poor people. if more people were screaming, then I could relax but a good brain ain't diddley if you don't have the facts. we live in a breakable, takeable world, an ever available possible world and we can make music like we can make do. genius is in a back beat backseat to nothing if you're dancing, especially something stupid like I.Q. for every lie i unlearn, i learn something new. i sing sometimes for the war that i fight 'cause every tool is a weapon if you hold it right.

ok so spanish nationals were ok. i got 45 on the first one and 65 on the second and i was totally expecting it TBH. i'm not good with verbs or grammar most of the time and the reading comp was lame anyway. who the fuck cares what a lucotorio is? hahaha


in other news, i'm ordering shelby's birthday present tonight. i'm contemplating prom. i want to work on my painting tonight because the sun came out better than expected and i'm excited to see how i turn out as well as the idea in my head versus the picture i paint.

if i do end up going to prom, i need to find a dress ASAP.

i'm really tired. i've been really tired all this week. i've been going to bed promptly at 2 or 3 each night and then waking up at 7:30, which really means i pretend to wake up and mom yells at me because i was supposed to be getting ready for school and i'm not.

i've heard her tell three more people that they got 65. i'm not so atypical, hahaha

my mom bought lacie's cookies and brownie bites and i'm hungry as hell and they're burning a hole in my backpack lulz

the edamame was (were?) surprisingly tasty, normally the store bought stuff isn't as good as restaurant stuff. yadadig?

anthony, if i don't talk to you before you get this, i need to talk to you about something


YOU'RE EITHER GONNA LAUGH OR THINK IT'S STUPID

i hope it's fitting. LOL PUN

national spanish exam was lame.

"take a picture of me picking my nose!"
"no, i like being close to the cactuses!"


babysitting milo corndog bennett schwab

gotta love gramma elsie "ay, annetta, you vahnt sawm cake-uh? sawm cuukees? i hav sawm meelk."

"AY, YO!"


NOTHING BEATS FAMILY.

i want pot bellied pigs instead of chihuahuas.


toulousse and olive.


that's all.

1. i like you, i think. it's funny. i shouldn't like you, but you have that special way of being this super cute person that totally gets what i say and proceed to help with everything.

2. i love how we never get tired of each other but then, there's those times that we do, for a split second. then we're cool again. hmph, i wish people would understand.

3. you're happier the less time you spend talking to me or hanging out with me so let's keep it this way, i guess. it's all going to be fake in the end.





whatever, i have more fun on stickam with megan, sarah jean, dylan, and patrick than i do irl which depresses me a lot.

"my boobs are size perfect, sweet cheeks."

ok so im waiting for my appointment and ive seen kirk chiang and monica o'dell so far. lets keep counting!



stickam was a lot of fun last night LOLOL patrick is adorable. gotta love the sassy gays

bingo!